I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will pee on everything he values.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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