last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
