dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just had sex bonerless
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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