After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
