whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
