had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
