I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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