Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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