hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
