Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
