We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize