Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You dont lie about slip and slides
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
