Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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