I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sex in the backyard? Check.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize