Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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