I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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