I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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