there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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