so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
