Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
