Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
