nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
