Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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