i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
