We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
