I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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