is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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