Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
