I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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