She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
