One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
