he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
