He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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