I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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