i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
