someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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