ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Barsexuality is the new black.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize