There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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