Buhtt sex?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
