dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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