just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
