my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
