i would punch a child for taco bell
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
