matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
