When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize