I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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