i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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