dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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