I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
