My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize