you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
