i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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