just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
