The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
