here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
