it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
