Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
