I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
