...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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