why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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