I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
