What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
