I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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