I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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