this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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