I need to stop coming to work sober
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
