you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
