Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
