No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
