what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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