the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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